By Esnath Mandebvu
Divorce
has become not only a common occurrence but an interesting topic both in and
outside the church. The typical family
has changed over the years. Maybe this could be as a result of people adopting
western cultures.
In
the African culture it used to be a taboo for a couple to decide not to stay
together anymore. If there were disputes between spouses the family would come
around and resolve it, but not by divorce. If a woman was perceived to be
barren, another lady would come rescue the family by having children for the
husband but the family would still remain intact with the first wife being
dully respected. Divorce was a rare occurrence a century ago in the African
culture and if it ever occurred those involved would be labelled rebels, black
sheep of the family and many other names. The reason behind this could be on
how families were founded and built on. When a man came of age and decided to
marry, he would seek assistance from the elders namely ‘sekuru’ or ‘tete’ on
whom to marry. These would then look among the maiden a suitable lady for their
son. This one they would have chosen he would marry.
The
coming of Christianity changed the way the marriage institution is conducted.
Following the right procedure before marriage is no guarantee for living
happily ever after but it sure helps couples to handle their differences more
maturely. The right procedure for marriage in Christianity is that marriage
should have purpose and reason, and that people should actively involve their
church before getting married. There are primary and secondary reasons for
getting married. Focusing on the secondary reasons usually lead to many
problems later in the marriage.
An
understanding that marriage is an institution that was initiated by God and not
man is essential. It was not Adam that went to meet God to ask for a wife
because he was lonely and needed someone to be with. It was God that said that
it is not good for man to be alone. In fact, to help Adam realize that he
needed a mate, God subsequently paraded all the animals in front of Adam
(Genesis 2:19-20). So marriage is not man’s idea but God’s idea and if it is
God’s idea, we can then conclude that God is more interested in you getting
married than you are.
The
purpose of getting married in Christianity is so as to serve God much better.
One’s life should subsequently improve as a result of their union with someone.
A purpose is a reason for being, it is the sole purpose for which something was
created. So before someone decides to get married they should know their reason
and purpose for being. Secondary reasons for marriage include, abstaining from
fornication, finding companionship and having godly seeds.
Not
everyone in the house of God is doing His will, hence one also have to be
careful as some saints are wolves in sheep’s clothing. There are also wrong
relationships in the house of God. These are characterised by one being too
busy to attend church services, even though they are born again. Other red
flags might be if someone is not committed financially to the gospel, have no
regular or steady income (especially for the man), if either party is not
submissive to the authority of their church, if a lady is always demanding
money or material things from the man and if the man is not yet financially
detached from his parents.
Following
these Christian principles would help save many marriages and help many to live
more fulfilled lives.
In
churches such as Christ Embassy and ZAOGA, it is advised for people to first be
in a courtship, engage and then get married. Courtship is that period when two
people, of the opposite sex, get to know each other’s character and way of life
leading to engagement and then marriage. It is not advised for the two to be
romantically attached. Prayer is also another important aspect of a good
foundation of a marriage that will last.
