DIVORCE IS AN OPTION

By Esnath Mandebvu

Divorce has become not only a common occurrence but an interesting topic both in and outside the church.  The typical family has changed over the years. Maybe this could be as a result of people adopting western cultures.

In the African culture it used to be a taboo for a couple to decide not to stay together anymore. If there were disputes between spouses the family would come around and resolve it, but not by divorce. If a woman was perceived to be barren, another lady would come rescue the family by having children for the husband but the family would still remain intact with the first wife being dully respected. Divorce was a rare occurrence a century ago in the African culture and if it ever occurred those involved would be labelled rebels, black sheep of the family and many other names. The reason behind this could be on how families were founded and built on. When a man came of age and decided to marry, he would seek assistance from the elders namely ‘sekuru’ or ‘tete’ on whom to marry. These would then look among the maiden a suitable lady for their son. This one they would have chosen he would marry.

The coming of Christianity changed the way the marriage institution is conducted. Following the right procedure before marriage is no guarantee for living happily ever after but it sure helps couples to handle their differences more maturely. The right procedure for marriage in Christianity is that marriage should have purpose and reason, and that people should actively involve their church before getting married. There are primary and secondary reasons for getting married. Focusing on the secondary reasons usually lead to many problems later in the marriage.

An understanding that marriage is an institution that was initiated by God and not man is essential. It was not Adam that went to meet God to ask for a wife because he was lonely and needed someone to be with. It was God that said that it is not good for man to be alone. In fact, to help Adam realize that he needed a mate, God subsequently paraded all the animals in front of Adam (Genesis 2:19-20). So marriage is not man’s idea but God’s idea and if it is God’s idea, we can then conclude that God is more interested in you getting married than you are.

The purpose of getting married in Christianity is so as to serve God much better. One’s life should subsequently improve as a result of their union with someone. A purpose is a reason for being, it is the sole purpose for which something was created. So before someone decides to get married they should know their reason and purpose for being. Secondary reasons for marriage include, abstaining from fornication, finding companionship and having godly seeds.

Not everyone in the house of God is doing His will, hence one also have to be careful as some saints are wolves in sheep’s clothing. There are also wrong relationships in the house of God. These are characterised by one being too busy to attend church services, even though they are born again. Other red flags might be if someone is not committed financially to the gospel, have no regular or steady income (especially for the man), if either party is not submissive to the authority of their church, if a lady is always demanding money or material things from the man and if the man is not yet financially detached from his parents.

Following these Christian principles would help save many marriages and help many to live more fulfilled lives.

In churches such as Christ Embassy and ZAOGA, it is advised for people to first be in a courtship, engage and then get married. Courtship is that period when two people, of the opposite sex, get to know each other’s character and way of life leading to engagement and then marriage. It is not advised for the two to be romantically attached. Prayer is also another important aspect of a good foundation of a marriage that will last. 

As couples attend lessons on marriage foundations at these churches, they are also taught on sex, respect, handling of finances and family issues in the home, and also how to deal with other family members and friends. With these foundations it is guaranteed for a couple to have a successful marriage.